Becoming the kind of mum I hate

Before I notice, i am kinda becoming the mum i hate. I talk with my kid about study and seldom want to have fun with him. I wanna put on a poker face to him when he tries to mess around. 

I sometimes even sacrifice my personal time just to form the so-called good study habit for Lawrence. But, wait, he’s just 3 year old and he deserves a happy childhood with his mum.

Am i becoming my dad? Sort of. I mean, my dad’s words and remind always makes me worry that i can not teach Lawrence well. But what is my identity? Ain’t I his mum first? I am a teacher but I absolutely dont wanna be my son’s teacher cuz then he has no mum at all! I know things get hard for me when I am trying to raise him as a bilingual child. But I shouldn’t pass that burden to him and make him an adult and suffer from loads of study that will eventually come years later. 

OMG, I hate my parents’ parenting method, but somehow I am becoming them. 

Plz stop being a dumbass and ignore my parents’ doctrine. Cuz i know i can find the balance and nail it in the end!