學(xué)習(xí)和H3兒子相處-父母效能訓(xùn)練的實(shí)踐

每天看育兒書，自我提升和娃的相處及教育，卻總是冷不防遇到獨(dú)立和叛逆的宣揚(yáng)，雖然郁悶??但是還是該記錄一下點(diǎn)滴的小進(jìn)步，麻麻的，樂樂的

前天接樂放學(xué)前花了兩小時(shí)做魚香茄子煲，糖醋排骨，紅棗木瓜燉排骨湯，帶樂在樓下玩了一個(gè)多小時(shí)，回來自己換鞋洗手看電視，告知飯好了可以吃還好好的，自己把電視關(guān)了，盡管沒看完那集，然而剛吃沒幾口就開始來戲了……

這是一場沒有硝煙的戰(zhàn)爭……是麻麻和意念的戰(zhàn)斗，幸而全程腦子對自己默念剛看完的一點(diǎn)理論，不得不說，parent effectiveness training 父母效能訓(xùn)練，真的不愧是諾貝爾和平獎(jiǎng)被提名作者的佳作……    
 

Parent Effectiveness Training13人有 · 評價(jià)1Thomas Dr Gordon 著Random House / 2000-10

M: Have some vegetable so that u can get vitamins.    
 

L: No! I dont want it here!

肢體反抗，把麻麻手中的排骨打掉，突然開始大哭大鬧，麻麻還沒反應(yīng)過來，樂又把手中勺子扔到地上，麻麻一下子有點(diǎn)怒了，煮了一個(gè)下午(廚藝一般，還邊看網(wǎng)上教程邊看美劇所以慢)，全身都酸臭，一句感謝不說居然和老娘發(fā)飆？不得不承認(rèn)當(dāng)下有點(diǎn)火了……想了想，忍著自己不動(dòng)聲色吃飯，然而樂一直在旁邊不停大鬧抓餐具，一片狼藉。

冷靜，自己要冷靜，否則孩子不能冷靜，他冷靜下來才聽得進(jìn)去

勸自己勸了幾輪下來，還是被惹毛了，桌面和地上都是油膩的飯菜……

此處省略老母親萬馬奔騰的內(nèi)心一萬字，所幸自己沒下手，但是飯藏到了電飯煲里，樂在廚房抓狂了??大概半小時(shí)，麻麻冷靜下來之余也慢悠悠的吃完了飯，看完了一集美劇

M:R u ready to talk now?

L: No! I dont wannna talk to u! U r so bad!  I will tell the policeman to catch u and u will be locked in the prison!

M: Why do u wanna lock me?

L: because u r bad!開始借由孩子的嘴，來解釋麻麻的行為

M: what did i do?

L: u hid my bowl and i cant eat!

M: why did i hide ur bowl?

L: i dont know! Because u r bad!依然怒氣沖天

M: did u want to eat when i hid ur bowl?

L: no! I dont want to eat!

M: why don’t u want to eat?

L: because i dont want to eat the vegetable!

M: but why do u have to eat it?孩子你明明知道為什么要吃青菜??！

L: because i need vitamins.

M: now do u want to have vegetable now?

L: No! Because u mix the vegetable with my rice and rib!原來如此，樂莫名的不喜歡青菜??和他喜歡的菜一起吃

M: oh~I c. U dont want me to mix ur vegetable and rice. But im afraid if i dont mix them, u dont take it.麻麻詳細(xì)解釋了幾遍為什么把青菜??和排骨混在一起放碗里

L: no i wont!

M:ok, fine. But can u tell me where to put the vegetable?既然你不喜歡麻麻這么做，那你說說該怎么解決這個(gè)問題吧！

L: put it aside on the edge.樂疑惑地眼神看著我，好像不相信麻麻會這么問他

M: r u sure u will still take them if i put them aside?

L: sure.

M: ok, what about now?麻麻把青菜??夾到碗的邊緣位置， C? U just need to tell me what u want instead of yelling and screaming and yelling for almost an hour.

L:...看到麻麻配合他的選擇，好像淡定了很多

M: next time if u dont feel like doing sth, can u tell me like a gentleman? Maybe we can figure out how to solve the problem together, ok?

L: ?? 

M: btw, did u notice that i sweat a lot.

L: why?

M: because i spent the whole afternoon cooking for u. I felt so exhausted.

L: sorry mum. Thank u for cooking the yummy dinner for me.

M: welcome babe. I felt good when u said it’s yummy.

這算是一次成功的The No-Lose Method實(shí)踐，其中包括1.讓孩子冷靜下來再溝通，沒有涉及暴力??，2.讓孩子主導(dǎo)談話，3.讓孩子提出矛盾，4.讓孩子提出解決問題的方法，及家長配合孩子的解決方案，5.孩子參與到?jīng)Q策環(huán)節(jié)，感覺自己的決定很重要，6.家長和孩子誰都沒有輸，是一個(gè)雙贏局面